Only in (Rural) Pennsylvania.

Last weekend I enjoyed a leisurely drive to Slatington, where I was to review a new musical at a small local theater.

After missing the turn to the theater (the road sign was twisted), I found myself in the middle of what appeared to be a very pious town.  Indeed, there seemed to be more churches than houses.  The fact I was driving on Church Road said it all.  Large pick-up trucks dominated the streetscape, many boasting “America:  Love it or Leave it” stickers and the mandatory (I’m-a-true-patriot-you-can-tell-by-my) yellow-ribbon magnet.

This was probably a town where Mr. Obama did not fare well in the election, I mused.

The plastic sided homes near the road were filthy from dirt and dust in that graying, fading way grime attaches itself to siding.  Behind them, crops of second-tier McMansions rose in the distance, where cornfields once grew.  Otherwise, the town was neat and quiet.

Too quiet.

Slowly I turned and made my way back to where I suspected I had missed the turn, and then I saw it.

A very quaint firehouse, Friedens Fire Company.  The commercial sign on the street advertised the usual events — Spaghetti Dinner Saturday, Blood Drive Sunday…..and then….at the bottom, in equally large letters,

“ADULT TOY BINGO”

I practically gave myself whiplash.

Adult toy Bingo?  My mind reeled.  Perhaps a naive citizen was raffling off an ATV or golf clubs.  Both could be considered toys for adults.  Right?

No matter how I tried to rationalize, I suspected they weren’t talking jet-powered gas grills here. The theme to The Deliverance popped into my head, and I hit the gas.  I still got lost two more times before finding the theater, and I believe it was because of the shock of stumbling across a sign in Slatington that belonged in Vegas — or at least Atlantic City.

Several days later:  Adult Toy Bingo.  Adult Toy Bingo.  I still can’t get it out of my head.

Who would attend such an event?  Blushing older ladies?  Brazen fans of “Desperate Housewives?” The local knitting club?  Farmgirls who had seen one too many geldings? People like my mother, maybe? (Shudder!)  Regardless, who would attend an event like that after it was advertised right on the side of the road, where your grandkids could see?!?  Was it a fundraiser?  If so, what for?

I don’t consider myself a prude, but I am a private person.  I would probably never attend an adult toy anything, let alone a party.  I thought about calling the Fire Company’s number to inquire about the Bingo tourney, but just couldn’t get up the nerve.

I think I may have misjudged the good folks of Slatington.  Perhaps there were closet Obama voters there.  Not that you have to be a dem to use a…..oh, man I can’t even think about it.  Would a Republican….?  Not the ones I know, at least I think…..

Naaaaah.

Sometimes, what happens in Slatington should stay in Slatington.